When talking with an autistic person, as with anyone, respectful and person-centered language matters, and certain phrases can feel dismissive even if well-intended. Avoid saying you don't look autistic, as autism is not visible and this can invalidate their experience. Avoid suggesting everyone is a little autistic or that autism is just an excuse, which minimizes real challenges. Avoid telling them they just need to try harder to be social or make eye contact, as this encourages masking and can increase distress. Avoid functioning labels like you're high functioning so you don't need help, because support needs vary. Avoid asking what is wrong with you or trying to cure them, and avoid comparing them to stereotypes from movies. Also avoid saying I know exactly how you feel based on brief contact. More helpful approaches include asking respectful, open questions if they invite them, such as what helps you feel comfortable, using the language they prefer for themselves, identity-first or person-first, respecting sensory needs and boundaries, and listening without judgment. If you make a mistake, a brief apology and willingness to learn are usually appreciated. Building understanding from autistic-led resources can also improve communication.
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